“A girl who is a Pick Me has internalized misogyny and puts down other women for male validation,” says Yazmin, a 20-year-old California college student who is also a part-time content creator. (She notes that she doesn’t particularly like calling a woman a Pick Me.)
The term Pick Me is also not an original concept (it originated from this iconic Grey’s Anatomy scene). It is something that women have used to denigrate each other for years, from your new boyfriend’s aggressive “best girl friend” to that girl who “prefers to be friends with men.”
But online, young women have begun to explore how they may have been culturally ingrained to be, well, Pick Mes. The societal pressure to always defer to or side with the men in the room is real, and insidious internalized misogyny can be a strong drug for many teenagers.
Video after video explores how Pick Me girls are “annoying,” “desperate,” and ultimately, the antithesis of feminism. The creators are often being funny in their descriptions of the actions of a Pick Me, but can also slide into snark or even bullying.
That’s unfortunate because, as Yazmin notes, many women have acted Pick Me-esque in their lives, especially when they are young. She looks back at her own Pick Me moments now and cringes.
“I feel like the term has been overused and any girl who is deemed as slightly annoying is now called a Pick Me and it has the opposite effect and turns women against one another,” she says.
The Girl’s Girl trend is meant to be the antithesis to that. Creators who make jokes and skits about Girl’s Girls say they are hoping to change the conversation, focusing on positive interactions among women instead of tearing each other down.
“A Pick Me could become a Girl’s Girl by understanding that the reason girls seek male validation is because we live in a patriarchal society and the only way to dismantle this structure is by unifying and uplifting women as a collective,” says Yazmin.
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After all, the problem isn’t other women. It’s the patriarchy.
“Traditionally, women have been pitted against each other in various aspects of life, fostering competitiveness and undermining unity,” she says. “The term Girl’s Girl challenges this notion by promoting collaboration over competition. It encourages women to celebrate each other’s successes and achievements rather than viewing them as threats or rivals.”
Bruser says she’s also glad to see more Girl’s Girl than Pick Me content on her FYP recently. She says she felt the snarky videos were becoming saturated, and she didn’t like how they depict women as “jealous, selfish, and insecure.”
“The Pick Me girl is motivated by shallow thinking and it makes her bitter and passive aggressive,” she says. “I can only speak for myself but I’m tired of seeing women painting the same way over and over in a negative light.”
She’s also quick to note that these designations are not for life. A caterpillar of a Pick Me can spread its wings, shake off the patriarchy, and morph into a beautiful, Girl’s Girl butterfly. In fact, that’s the goal.
