Were you “such a good kid” growing up? The one who “nobody ever needed to worry about?” “A pleasure to have in class?” OK, I’m going to need you to sit down, take a breath, and maybe grab a box of tissues because there’s something you need to hear from licensed social worker Maggie Nick (a.k.a. TikTok user @maggiewithperspectacles) and it’s going to be really cathartic but also maybe a little uncomfortable, too.
In a TikTok that has has more than 1.4 million views as of press time, Nick describes herself as a mom and a trauma therapist as well as a “recovering burned out, overachieving, people pleasing, perfectionist, pushover, shape-shifting chameleon.” and she has a message for all the “good kids” out there. Specifically, she wants to describe us… erm, them, them! *giggles nervously*
“You anxiously watch everybody’s moods like a hawk, looking for any evidence you’re in trouble or you’ve done something wrong … You’re a pushover and trying to set boundaries puts your body in the fight or flight. It doesn’t take much for you to worry that someone’s mad at you … You people please, and you’re terrified of making anyone mad and disappointing or letting anyone down. You’re the happy one. You make everyone feel so good about themselves, but inside … you beat yourself up about everything. You apologize like this ‘Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I feel so bad. Are we OK? Are you OK? Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I feel so bad.’”
Hello, police. There’s been a murder. (Judging from all the likes and shares this video has received, there’s been about 126,000 murders…)
And that’s just part of it…
And the hits just keep on coming…
“You avoid conflict and boundaries at ALL cost, because what if that person leaves you? You bottle all of your feelings. You push your feelings down and pretend you’re fine, put on this brave mask. ‘We’re fine! We’re fine! Everything’s fine!’ And when the feeling that you’re actually not fine is too much, you have to do something like emotional eating to take the edge off. You’re the helper. You’re the one who gives the support; you don’t ever ask for support, and you struggle to receive support even when you’re really struggling.”
But this isn’t just a call out. She continues to share some things we… I mean… people like this (not me, totally not me. I’m fine. OMG I’m so sorry. Are we OK? ) needed to hear as kids and maybe still need to hear.
“You don’t have to earn love by being good and being fine all the time and accomplishing,” she assures viewers. “You’re also not a burden. It is a privilege and an honor to take care of you when you’re struggling. You are not hard to love, you’re not. You’re easy to love. It’s a delight and a privilege to get to love you. It’s OK to not be OK. You don’t have to hold it together all the time and pretend you’re fine. There’s nothing wrong with you for struggling and not being perfect and not being fine all the time. There is nothing wrong with you.
We’re not crying. It’s just dusty in here. Fortunately, it sounds like this is a message resonated in the best possible way for a lot of people.
“The end of this video had me in tears,” wrote one commenter in a sentiment that was shared by many. “I guess I needed to hear all that and didn’t know it.”
