Let’s face it — parenting is a little scary. The way we choose to parent can have a big impact on our kids’ futures, and we know that because we’ve probably noticed our own parents’ impacts on ours. We’re constantly asking ourselves, what’s the right way to parent? Or more likely, how do I not screw my kid up?
One TikTok user has a theory. Audi Ferrin shared a video last week sharing how she feels her parents’ gentle parenting style set her up to be a successful adult — and a successful parent herself.
“I am a product of gentle parenting. I’m 32 years old now, I have three kids. And now that I am the parent, I’m just now realizing how good of a job my parents did,” she shared.
“I spend a lot of time thinking about my childhood and what things my parents did in different situations that helped shape me to be the person I am today, which is pretty normal, mentally healthy, I have a healthy view of myself, my inner voice is kind,” she said.
Sounds like pretty enviable results!
“I just feel very lucky and fortunate that my parents made a real huge effort to be kind and respectful to us and really take their job as our parents seriously. They loved us but they were there to guide us,” she said.
Many commenters expressed support for gentle parenting.
“I’m a product of gentle parenting too. It’s the gift that keeps on giving,” said Hi.
“I hope one day, my kid feels this way. Trying so hard,” said katherineefudge.
Other commenters wondered if Audi, and her parents, could provide some guidance for those unfamiliar with what gentle parenting looks like in action.
“I would love examples of how they did it. I am not a child of gentle parenting and I am trying my very best to break the cycles of my family for my daughter,” said Savannah Grace.
Thankfully, Audi was ready with examples.
“Something my parents did a really good job of was teaching us how to treat them… my parents did this by correcting us and kindly setting their boundaries for what was respectful and what wasn’t. It was always a beautiful relationship between parent and child because we knew they respected us, they treated us with respect, so they respected that in return,” she explained in a follow up video.
Audi recalled an argument she had with her mom when she was young, which ended in her shouting, “Don’t be dumb!” She remembered her mom’s stern, calm response of simply, “You don’t talk to me like that.”
“I remember how it felt to disrespect my mom, and I didn’t want to do it again. She didn’t have to scream at me, she didn’t have to punish me, she didn’t have to teach me a huge lesson right there, she just said ‘that’s not how you talk to me.’
This combats a popular myth about gentle parenting — that it means letting your kids walk all over you. In reality, gentle parenting is authoritative and respectful.
In another video, Audi explained that when she would miss her curfew growing up, she would receive the consequence of having it moved an hour earlier. When she would return home late, her dad would never yell at her, but would calmly tell her, “I’m really disappointed, I hope we can talk about this tomorrow.” Then, they would both go to bed.
“Even in that moment, where I’m an hour late, and I disobeyed his strict rule, even then he treated me with respect, and even then, he wanted to talk about it, and treat me like a respectable human,” she explained. “That would be the one word I would give my parents’ parenting style, it would just be ‘respect.’”
Audi also recognizes that it can be hard as a parent to practice gentle parenting in instances of extreme frustration. She shared this piece of advice from her dad, from an instance when he was particularly upset with her brother.
“He thought the words, ‘He’s 12 years old and he’s acting like a 12-year-old,’” she said. “That is such a good mantra to remember as parents… just saying that to yourself helps you calm down and remember that their brains are not fully developed, and they’re learning, and they’re gonna make really really dumb mistakes.”
And really, aren’t we all?
For more gentle parenting stories and tips, Audi released an episode of her podcast “wait, but how” featuring her parents.
