Over a decade ago, I resigned from my corporate career to support my family. Two of my three children have disabilities and I needed to focus on them. Staying home full time was the right choice for me, but it wasn’t a place I thought I would ever be. When I quit, I thought back to one afternoon, when I’d been reviewing employee applications with a colleague. One resume stood out from the pile, from a woman who’d been out of the workforce for a while, presumably because she’d been a stay-at-home mom. “She’s too far behind,” my colleague said and shook her head. “We don’t hire people who took a long break from work.” I cringed and swore that would never be me. But somehow, there I was. Resigning from my job felt like I was losing a part of myself.
As I shifted into a new phase of life, I quickly learned just how hard it was to be a stay-at-home parent. Caring for three kids with completely different needs was a 24/7 job with rotating naps, never ending meals, multiple early intervention therapy sessions each day, numerous doctor appointments, and barely any adult contact.
Eventually, I found ways to make it work and, along the way, gained skills I didn’t even know existed. I found creative ways to entertain the kids. I spent hours reviewing my calendar to coordinate physical therapy sessions and doctor appointments as I got three kids to three schools in three different towns. I also learned how to listen to my body. To breathe and step away when I needed space. To call a friend when I needed adult conversation or to squeeze in a 20-minute exercise routine when everyone else was occupied.
Years passed. My youngest son started kindergarten and I dusted off my LinkedIn account when I started doing some freelance work. The huge, unaccounted gap where I did “nothing” was embarrassing. What would people think? I left it alone and hoped no one would notice.
And then about two months ago, I came across an option on LinkedIn to account for time spent as a stay-at-home parent. A warmth swelled inside me. I was excited to fill that empty space with “Full time parenting, career break” although it definitely wasn’t a “break.” It was a time in my life when I worked the hardest.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized how much those six years defined me. They allowed me to mature in ways I didn’t know was possible. I’m much more efficient, more emotionally tuned in, and I don’t sweat the small stuff. I know how to get things done, how to plan days, weeks, and months in advance around layers and layers of responsibilities, how to juggle massive amounts of paperwork, how to speak up for my children to get them the resources they need and also how to ask for help and take a step back when I know I’m overloaded.
These skills forced me to realize who I am, how I want to live my life and how best to function in the world. Rather than hoping people won’t notice that time when they skim my resume, I now realize how extremely valuable that time was to my own personal growth. I’m better at things that help people succeed in the workplace, because I took time away. With a fresh perspective and different viewpoint, I’m more prepared to engage with a variety of personalities and expectations.
Mothers make tough decisions. We do our best to make smart choices, for ourselves and for our families. And if we shift our focus, we shouldn’t feel like we’re losing out. There are many ways to learn and grow and employers should value those transferable skills. I don’t feel like I need to apologize or explain my time as a stay-at-home parent. I kept learning and facing challenges and extending my abilities in new directions. That time is an important part of my story, and I’m proud of it.
Jaclyn Greenberg is a former tax accountant who became a freelance writer when her son was born with multiple disabilities. Jaclyn now writes about parenting, accessibility and inclusion and has written for The New York Times, CNN, Wired, Huffpost, Parents, Good Housekeeping, Fodor’s and other places. She’s working on a memoir about sticking together as a family of five. LinkedIn, Instagram, X, Website.
