The concept of “gentle parenting” can stir up some complicated feelings. The parenting style is often met with frustration and judgment when people assume that parents are essentially bending to the will of their kids — “permissive” parenting — and raising maladjusted adults.
Comedian and writer Bill Maher (who does not have kids) went viral for his take on this debate during an episode of Real Time with Bill Maher, claiming that the reason parenting is difficult these days is because parents let their kids run the show, coddling them and creating anxiety for them.
“I keep hearing how parenting is so hard these days. Yeah, because you’re making it hard,” he said.
“Gentle parenting. It’s like a Taco Bell breakfast. The reason it feels wrong is because it is. And it’s ruining lives on both sides of the equation. Parents, it’s ruining your lives because you’ve made yourselves a butler to a five-year-old.”
He goes on to say that “letting kids run the show” is harming them.
“And the kids, because the results are in, and all this letting the kids run the show, the path of least resistance child-rearing, is harming them. The average high school kid today has the same level of anxiety as the average psychiatric patient in the early 1950s,” he said.
Is this because of parents or because of the state of the world (ie. climate change, gun violence, job markets, inflation, social media, etc.)? Just a question!
Maher continued, “A recent survey of employers found that about one in five recent college graduates brought their parents with them to a job interview.”
“Our kids are crippled with anxiety because they haven’t been properly prepared for a world that doesn’t revolve around them. Almost 10% of college students claim to have PTSD from college — the cradle of ‘safetyism,’ the home of safe spaces and trigger warnings and policing offensive words, you’re not supposed to get PTSD in college,” he said before the weird punchline which was met with an uproar of applause.
“You’re supposed to get an STD.”
Weird flex, but okay!
Maher’s take went viral, with several TikTok users agreeing with his take, confirming that kids are “too soft” these days.
“You are absolutely right. These parents do not want to hurt their kids ‘feelings,’” one user wrote.
“Need to be a parent not a friend,” another said.
“Thank you! I’ve been doing daycare for 18 years and this last seven or eight has been brutal. I’m looking to change careers. I can’t handle these kids. constant meltdowns, aggression, they don’t listen,” another said.
Others took a different approach to Maher’s take, noting that maybe it’s not parents who are dropping the ball but rather outside forces that make parenting astronomically harder including higher costs of living, inflation, zero government help for parents, etc.
“My parents weren’t gentle and I’m still full of anxiety,” one user wrote.
Yup! Let’s break it down for a second. Who’s to say that parents who listen to their kids, validate their feelings, and are there for their kids (aka what conscious, gentle parenting actually is) are the ones who are instilling anxiety?
In fact, research suggests that conscious parenting can have many positive outcomes for children, including emotional connection, a strong emotional bond that promotes trust, security, and resilience, fewer behavioral problems, and better emotional regulation skills.
Conscious parenting can help children develop enhanced communication skills, such as open and honest communication, and mutual understanding as well as help children develop empathy and compassion.
